GOLD BECOMES CASH—history’s meltdown–joke

WELCOME TO GOLD-R-US ——–(this is a pretend commercial folks)

I’m sure you have seen the commercials for striking gold at home. Send the envelopes full of your families gold jewelry, and we will send you back cold hard cash!

Well actually, the cash will be a check, neither cold nor hard.

So here at Gold-R-US, we aim to put your personal gold strike into perspective. What better way, than have testimonials of real flesh and blood GOLD-R-US personal gold mine winners?

So to wet the shovels and dreams of your own personal gold mine, here are a few of our recent gold strike success stories.

We know upon seeing these golden fellow citizens, you to will hurry to the attics, the closets, under the drawers, even “house sit” at your neighbors for free, after the golden sparkle hits you to.

Without further proselytizing, here they are:

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Guthry O says;

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Well, sure I will give you all a testimonial.

Upon seeing your commercials on TV, I realized we, I mean I realized I had some of that gold right here in my own house.

You see, my great, great, great, great, granddad was in the Civil War. I think he was one of the guys who took care of general Lee’s horses. Did you know about a million horses were killed during the Civil War? Sounds to me like it should be called the Civil and Horse Wars. My father said his father told him they even had to care for Oxen at times! Isn’t that wild!

Anyways.

Lee apparently gave my ancestor a solid gold knife holder for his belt. Some southern Governor had given it to him. General Robert E. Lee was so grateful to my family for having kept his horses in such good condition.

I grew up with that knife shield thing locked inside a gun case that my granddad had, and latter gave to my father near his death. I figured I would pass it on to my own son someday, but since I don’t have one and hardy ever even have a date, I figured this was my ancestors way of handing me a gift horse in the mouth.

I’m sure he would have approved of my decision to cash that history in for something useful. No point in being all sentimental over something locked up and out of reach. I figure my grandpa, and the grandpa that got this gift would be fine with me giving myself one. Keeping it all in the family so to speak.

I cut the knife shield up to fit in the envelope. Gold cut easy with a hack saw, but some of it did kinda melt into the blade teeth, so I picked that out with a pin I had a poster of Toby Keith pinned up with. Don’t worry. I put the pin back.

Well, I stuck gold you all, just like you said. I got $500 from old gramps, and that was enough for me to get this new grill set.

It’s what some people call a chick magnet. Maybe now I’ll make my own ancestor and I can pass my grill onto them. If their mouth is the same size, it might even insure ancestors for generations to come!

What do you think?

Here is the photo of my brand spanken shinny new grill. I polish it and what not to keep it in good shape. After all, we’re talking about history here.

My photo is below. I put it down there to be a surprise. I bet the chicks will be surprised some day real soon…

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I’m going to put these photo’s in the case where the old grandpa’s was with the knife and all.

In homage to him, I’m even going to make one of these look oldish. I’m sure my ancestors would be real proud of what I’ve done.

I’d do it again if I had more dead relatives worth anything, I’m tellen’ ya.

My grandchildren might have to get rid of a few teeth in front like me, but I’m sure that is a sacrifice anyone would be happy to make, just to have this incredible twinkle for each and every word. How could anyone not pay attention to me now that everything I say sparkles like the sun!

Thanks again Gold-R-US. You truly make dreams come true. I encourage everyone to melt down their heirlooms today, but don’t get a grill like mine. I’d rather stay one of a kind.

Gold-R-US Rocks! Like Toby!

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Candy K says;

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I’m glad to give a testimonial to you guys.

My story came from my mom. Her grandmother gave her this ring that was from England. Seems that her great grandfather was a great carpenter, when carpenters still cared and stuff. I don’t know how the England connection came about, but that grandfather was commissioned to do this huge carpentry piece for the Queen of England. This was supposed to be a surprise, so most no one knew about it. As the story goes, that grandfather finished this big piece of furniture in Chicago, only to hear that the guy who commissioned it died and no one knew about it.

Well, almost no one. About a year later, after that granddad had tried to sell the piece anyway to the Royal Family, they thought he was some kind of nut or con man. Nevertheless, a year later, some kind of diplomat or something showed up at that granddads door with a gift. That gift was a ring allegedly had by one of King Henry’s wives or something like that. Unfortunately, the stone was gone, but there was engraving that said to whomever from your King Blah, blah, blah.

I had seen a TV special on PBS about this King Henry the 8 character, and I hated him. I could not believe fate handed me a chance to get back at that creep. Suddenly this commercial comes up; melt down your waisting away gold for some real money at Gold-R-US, we enable dreams to come true, and boy did they ever!

I sent that ring in, not sure that snake of a creepy jerk didn’t give his wives fake jewelry or something. $250.00 in a check! Now who is the fool old King sleaze ball! Guess who got the last laugh over your sorry a*s!

I had been eying one of those really cool foreign door pieces. It seemed only fitting to bring back some wood over this whole thing.

It is a shame that in India, Pakistan or wherever they are taking whole towns apart to fit into the modern world. The people cannot wait to discard their own old history! It is really, really sad. I’m glad to have salvaged this door or window from the import store. At least somebody cares for their history and architecture if they don’t. What is the big hurry to get plastic and steel anyway?

I don’t have anywhere to put this that works yet, so I keeping it in the attic for safe keeping. I could not have gotten this without your help Gold-R-US, you guys are really doing the whole world a favor. We get to save what is worth saving, and getting rid of the bad vibe stuff the creeps have handed down after having their way and all.

Love you Gold-R-US!

Hey Henry! Kiss my but! Loser!

Thanks again. Another happy camper who struck gold.

Candice K

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CAN I HAVE A CUP OF $15.00 GAS?

Someone with a gas card deal replied on another blog of mine that we cannot hope the government will fix our gas woes. So I wonder who will? $15.00 gas has been mentioned in the media.

Perhaps we will form citizen bands to pass gas from the refinery in cups down the interstates. We could all stand a few feet apart to cut the transportation cost. We could also get genetically engineered to siphon Hydrogen out of the air with gills so we could afford to stand there. Reverse umbrellas could act as water gathering devises so we can have a cool drink as we pass the cups along.

I feel this is more sensible than letting government, big government, charge us or whatever it does for its services. Unless government is killing people or locking them up it’s of no use. Sure. I believe that! It is everyone for themselves unless wealth’s way of privileged life is in question. Then we are all in this together, thank you that big government. Calling all suckers. Get ready to syphon.

Are you on-board?
I’m selling oil resistant shoes for those inevitable drips.

If all goes well I will be rolling in money, become a big success and not worry over energy cost. I will have the last laugh. Then I will make shares in my corporation public. Wow! Your pain will be my gain! Hurray pain, hurray!  I suppose I will be pro pain then.

CRAZY LIKE A SPAM

Spam

Spam on Spam.

Spam mixed with your words and some kind of code.

Spam in funny language’s that seem fake.

Spamtastic spam made to seem like a short reply.

Humungous spamaria flowing all over the page in blue so you can click on something (I never have) and go who knows where, down which drain pipe.

Welcome to the nonsensical world of the spammers who are apparently outwitting someone or something. But as far as I go, they are waisting their time.

Everybody must get spammed.

Have a spamerific day.

SECOND LIFE!!!!!!!

For those who missed the first?

No!

For those who were told to get a life, they got a real fake one. Where they end up often paying for their own imagination!

Imagine that!

It is free here.

No sexy and enhanced avatars. I laugh when I see the real people compared to their imaginary selves.

To each their own.

How dare you criticize cyberspace stuff!

Are not blogs essentially given to imaginary audiences?

How dare this writer question his own pondering!

We will convene our imaginary court.

With our imaginary judge and jury.

Then we will ban you from cyberspace for eternity!

Don’t condemn what you do not know.

Sorry.

I did not know second life could be carried out all inside the same persons head.

At war with oneself–animation

Just click on the link below, click on play, then leave the mouse alone.

I was sent this and just had to put it up for you to see. Not kidding.

[FLASH]

Animator vs. Animation

WHY WE BLOG

There may be some three and one quarter million (shortly) blogs on the WordPress.

So we ask this question: WHY DO YOU DO IT?

For many, it is not money apparently, but time is spent typing and coming up with whatever it is you come up with. Why do you do it? There, alone at the lonely keyboard? Today, just on the WordPress, some 100,000 something of you will type out many millions of words. Each word cost .01 calories to produce. This results in a net loss of carbon footprint; than if you were out walking, or talking with someone making body gestures and such. But close to being a couch potato. Perhaps a high definition onion.

Point number one; I just made up that calorie figure.

The blog-o-sphere Internets tubey thingy is full of unverifiable information, suggestions, conceptions, and notions, plus many things I will not mention. Amidst all this highly questionable material, still you decide to blog, and one of you actually decided to read this post.

Point number two; The search for meaning and affirmation in a life of disconnection.

Despite the anonymity inherent to most post, many continue there search for existential meaning on the WEB. For some, it is the opportunity to be heard, no matter how ridiculous ones expression is, or how much you are ignored in the real world. Observe the invisible one typing at this moment. Yes you typer, this is the Great Spirit of the Internet asking you, why do you persist? Is it in the vain hope that the collective information of the Internet will evolve into the future life form of humankind’s destiny, and in this thin prospect, you place yourself as a serving on the plate of being? Just in case that other afterlife thing does not work out as advertised?

Point number three; Nutty and flashy titles get recognition and attention. Is this cheep billboard self glory the reason why you type?

Observe the standard titles of many top post (this one excluded of course), they often seem intellectually/emotionally immature, yet the interest grabbed is worth the effort to come up with a better fish hook. Secret point number four; The self confidence natural to being the editor and producer of your own blog lets you speak in utter certainty about things you can never be certain of. At least not as certain as you let on.

But since it is late, I will discontinue this post now, yet insert tags and categories, a bunch of them, just on that odd chance that someone, yes just one, you, will listen to even things without perfect endings.

and Jimmy calling me to come into the cat pen and play. I built the adobe outdoor room.

THANK YOU FOR STRANGLING PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

I remember hearing of how mass transportation was strangled way back when, so the more lucrative car for everybody culture could go forth and strangle us all. Not only does pollution and its car connections threaten the planet, but our consumer lifestyle is driving the worlds emerging “individualist” to all want the same things.

We gamble that some new discovery will magically save us in nick of time, but time may have already run out. Yet where is the US governments response to out of control oil prices expected to top out at up to $175.00 a barrel!  What are the plans?  The We the People plans? Were all in this together only when terror threatens the wealth’s portfolio’s, otherwise, the rest of us are good only for recruiting to fight purposes.  Go screw yourself, you want something for nothing liberals?

In these coming hurricanes, we are all in the bathtub together, the conservatives hands are legally around our necks.  For the structure of nation, the opportunist wind only blows one way.  Who can raise their prices, while you cannot raise you wages, or claim; “I am paying less on all my bills because I no longer can keep up with inflation.”  Right!

So in honor to the upcoming end of things I would like to thank all the predatory opportunist who live to destroy the commons and make a buck out of parting creation out to the highest bidder. I understand why you never gave a damn about me, or us. I know how appealing and addicting greed is. It is so addicting when one rises above the commoners; that being more like God in ones own mind and being able to display the evidence around you, seems like an ego’s grandiose dream come true.

I am glad to pay more and more until the wallet is empty so the wealthy oil executives and stock holders keep secure in their high expectation lifestyle. We live for your service, and I’m quite confident everyone reading this will send you a thank you card (if stamps are under a dollar) when our cars are decommissioned. We will wait for trains that do not come to anywhere near us. Commercials will tell how walking is so healthy for those of you who must.  How secretly lucky you are by your situation.  Don’t be too surprised if it happens.  But then; why would they even waist money on telling us how lucky we are to be in poverty?  Probably won’t have TV sets anymore!

So here’s to opportunist one and all. As societies and cultures atrophy around the rest of us, I hope your mansions air conditioners will work fine off of those personal oil and gas storage tanks of yours.

Keep cool. It is very important.

FOR TEXT ME–NOT

I am glad that I’m old enough not to get in on the texting craze.  Like I need to be typing symbols and nultiple punches just to get one letter, I can barely make out the numbers on my phone!

I once upon-a-time used a pager, before this millennium, to send symbols that meant words.  It was a cute way to send a message and not have to make an actual phone call, whoopee!

I see these kids walking down the street while looking insane and punching out whatever, like the car heading right at them didn’t matter.

Once it was the sorry sorts who had their “heads up in the clouds.”  Now we have the makings of many ailments to come for these join in the crowd text messengers, with their eyes in their fingers  Blurred vision, nerve damage to fingers and what not.  Not to mention that dent they left in some cars hood.

e+=n#j58oy the ride!

HDTV AND ME

THE END IS COMING! THE END IS NEAR! THE DIGITAL SKY IS COMING!

I am a bit confused.

What do you mean you already know that?,

My confusion is about high definition television being forced upon us for all our own good. I know; some of us can no longer afford our own good. Now soon not to afford gas. What next? Can not afford air or watter?

What do yo mean I digressed?

Anyways.

I am curious about those high-def ads on my analogue TV, they are so pretty and clear and all, but—

I do not receive HDTV!

I find the current situation to be fine, especially when I receive such a good view from my analogue vision. Why was it I had to have HDTV again, only now not be able to afford TV anymore? Oh, I forgot. My own good.

Oh how those corporations get together to siphon all the fuel out of our lives. Thanks leaders!

Wait a second! Maybe it is all some liberal double think plot to ween us poor off of the TV and into a political movement or something.

Wow! Those do gooding liberals are sneaky!

THE GREAT STUPID TEST—international

WELCOME TO OUR TEST CLASS ON STUPID NATIONS AND PEOPLE 101!

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Or are you just stopping by to see how stupid this stupud test can be?

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If you do not proceed with the test; grade yourself a 0, for lack of inquisitiveness.

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You will be judged harshly for any and all mistakes, including, and not excluding, near mistakes.

You have already received your initial preliminary questions! (subconsciously)

(And remember; humor does not exclude a question.)

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FIRST BASIC QUESTION (arrange into ascending order of value)

1. WHO ARE YOU?

–a. I am me.

–b. I am a cross between my parents.

–c. I am whatever sex I am.

–d. I am whatever race or culture I was born into.

–e. I am an expression of my experiences.

–f. I am because I think I am.

–g. I am not whomever you are.

–h. I do not care who you think I am.

–i. I am not taking this stupud test.

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BASIC QUESTION #2 (which answers must be false)

2. IS THERE A GOD?

a–Yes, because I was always told so.

b–Yes, because I cannot question basic assumptions.

c–Yes, because I am afraid to say no.

d–Yes, because everybody says there is.

e–Yes, because I am presumed evil to say there is not One.

f–Yes, because God talks to me.

g–Yes, because I am sure God listens to me.

h–Yes, because Somebody had to start everything.

i–Yes, so I have some insurance just in case.

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BASIC QUESTION # 3

3. WHAT ARE GODS CHARACTER TRAITS? (true or false)

a.–God is a male so He can grow a beard in space.

b.–God will burn you forever for getting His or Her name wrong.

c.–God is so jealous of us, God will have no other gods before It.

d.–God holds you up to Gods Own perfect standards of infallibility.

e.–God thus will punish you forever for having a mistake of assumption.

f.–God does not wish you to think for yourself based on empirical evidence.

g.–God is so insecure, God needs you to praise It to high heavens or you lose.

h.–God wants you to not think and just do what a book or person tells you to do.

i.–God is a concept held in by human understanding abilities, thus dependent on us.

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BASIC QUESTION #4

IF GODS WAYS ARE MYSTERIOUS, WHAT ELSE MIGHT BE TRUE? (yes or no)

a.–God waited for science (printing and satellites) to really spread Gods Word fast.

b.–Gods real children are actually the Porpoises, since they may be smarter than us.

c.–God played a tricky test on blind followers, “true believers” are then self deceived.

d.–God favored one culture somewhere, so only that concept of God is the true one.

e.–God wants Gods children to kill each other in Gods Own Name.

f.–God loves me because it feels really good for me to think so.

g.–God did not know we would kill one another in Gods name.

h.–God only speaks through special people, who probably are not me.

i.–God is everything, so conflict is a dysfunction needing resolution.

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Basic Question #5

WHAT MIGHT FOLLOW FROM YOUR ABOVE ANSWERS? (keep your responses)

a.–God will possibly punish me forever for my answers, I live under terror.

b.–God will be glad to hear I am thinking for myself and not like a robot.

c.–God will terrorize everyone for any mistake we make unknowingly.

d.–God is omnipresent and omniscient, so will thank even our struggles.

e.–God is Love and will love what we achieve in life in Loves full Name.

f.–God needs us to become one of the guiding influences of Creation.

g.–God wants us to love at all cost, to remain in the presence of God.

h.–God is sharing Its Life by giving us a chance to be free to love.

i.–God cares not what you believe, but who you become.

NOW. HOW STUPID WAS THIS TEST?